In Plain Sight
by But I Have Promises To Keep
Summary: When Natara is critically injured, where will Mal be? And what will she think when she recovers, but can't seem to find him anywhere?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys, I wrote this a long time ago and have been sitting on it for some time. Sorry this chapter is so short, I'll try and make the next ones longer. Review and let me know if I should continue? **

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"Natara, come sit".

Sit, a command. One you would give to a dog. One I have no choice but to obey. I walk, or more so hobble, across the room to where the woman sits. She's a nice woman, someone I feel like I can trust, maybe. She says her name's Alessa, but I've never met her before. They say she's my therapist, I say she's my keeper. But what I like about her is that she tells me things. What she tells me is that I was in a coma for twenty-one days. That I shouldn't be alive, since it took numerous surgeries to 'fix' me. That I technically should be dead, but no one wants to kill a hero. Apparently I almost died saving Amy and Kai, but I have yet to see them. I have yet to even find out if they're alive. I was told they're alright, but haven't seen any proof. There were other people I was told I asked for, or more accurately one person I practically screamed for.

_"Mal!"_ I had screamed upon waking _"Where is he? Is he okay?"._

"Natara!".

I looked up, where Alessa is staring at me strangely. I know I must have lapsed, as this happens often. I often forget where I am, and end up being consumed by a memory. Sometimes it's one of a few days after waking, sometimes one of long ago. But what it never is of that day, the day I was almost lost to the flames. The day I can't remember at all. The day I think I lost Mal. Since I woke up I've asked very few questions, but kept repeating the questions about Mal like a parrot. No one answers me, and I've learned not to ask anymore. I think Mal is dead. It would be best if he was dead. If he was alive that would mean he went through the hell I was through during those twenty-one days. _The suffocating darkness, the maddening loneliness. Knowing you are trapped in a world unknown, only to later find out it's your own mind…_

"Natara?".

Dammit. I must have lapsed again. I try and hide it, I want to show I've made progress. Because maybe if I do, they'll let me see the people I rescued from that fire. Maybe I can see the outside world. I lift one corner of my mouth, then the other. I am smiling, something I only recently learned how to do again. Alessa smiles back, turning on a TV from where she stands behind the couch I sit on. It's a news broadcast, they're taking about the fire. Again. How Mal and I raced in to save the people trapped in the crime lab, Amy and Kai. But they don't reveal our fates, in fact, they don't even mention our names. They just show the wreckage of what I know was once the police station. Talk about how some 'brave people' ran back inside to save others. It's as if Mal and I never existed. But I know Mal exists, because I remember spending the last year-an-a-half with him. Because I heard him. Because the only thing I remember of that day is hearing his scream in the darkness. And I think he was screaming my name.


	2. Chapter 2

There is a place I can remember, but it's is also something I want to forget. It was a lonely place, somewhere where I had no eyes and no mouth. Somewhere where I became something blind, deaf and mute. I couldn't cry for help in this world, because I had no breath, no words. It was so aggravating, that I wished I would would die so it would end. I couldn't escape, it went on forever. It felt like a dream, but I knew it wasn't. I don't dream, not anymore. My only friend was a familiar voice, one I think belonged to Mal. It was gone in an instant, but I know it was there.

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Alessa says today is important, but won't tell me why. She's been showing me long-ago taped news reports, like the one I saw yesterday, the whole morning. Of course it's been almost a month since the fire, so obviously they've cleaned the place up since then. Obviously the footage of the wreckage is old. Everything about Mal and I is cut out, and I know this is her doing. I think she holds things from me because she's afraid it will 'overexcite me'. But I don't care, I don't see the harm it can do. As my morning begins I grab the already picked-out clothes that sit in the tiny bathroom for me. For the first time I notice a mirror in the room, which I'm fairly certain wasn't there before. There were no mirrors around before, and I suspected it was because they didn't want me looking at my damaged face. I catch a glimpse of myself as I enter, and I'm momentarily distracted. My hair is thin from the singed parts being cut off, but it's still close to its original length . My skin is like a patchwork quilt, painstakingly molded together. It's healing, and I can't even begin to think of how it looked when they first worked on it. I remember Alessa using the words 'putting me back together' a few days before. It made me slightly sick to hear this. It made me feel like I was a rag doll, something that needed to be sewn back together after being torn apart. Even thought this might have happened, I still don't like to think this way. I wonder how long it took, coaxing the skin to believe that it belongs on my face. I was assured it was all my own skin, and the proof is in the scars on my legs where they took the grafts. When they said that, it made me wonder if there was anything I borrowed from someone else. Spare parts. Was my heart my own? Or what about my eyes? I look closer, trying to figure out if they are indeed my own. I know my face was badly burnt, but maybe my eyes weren't spared and I needed cornea transplants. I try and remember years of being a teenager, staring into my own face and splashing makeup on it until my skin was plastic-like. But I never really memorized my face, because I didn't think I'd ever have to find it again. My eyes appear to be their natural shade of greyish-brown, but I'm not assuming anything just in case. Making a point to avoid my reflection, I put on the clothes that were layed out for me. It's a button-up shirt and black pants. I know these are my own clothes, and assuming Amy's alive it's possible that she brought them. I make a mental note to thank her if I ever see her again, I already feel a bit more like myself again. I lace up a pair my trainers, which were also brought along. When I'm done I step out, and I see Alessa smile as I do. I smile back, it's what she wants. That's all I can really do anyways, smile and frown. I can't match any of her other expressions, as if my face has forgotten how to form them. But it's not just her who's standing there. Kai and Amy, both with healing red burn marks on their faces, are standing with her. But they're alive, and that's all I notice. I totter over on still-painful legs over to them. They smile, but otherwise don't move. Amy looks like she wants to hug me, but doesn't do anything as if afraid I'll fall to peices if I'm touched. I had expected a remark from Kai, but he holds his silence. For a moment we only stare at each other, taking in the fact that the other is alive. But I couldn't hold back my question any longer, the questioned I had asked hundred of times before.

"Where's Mal?".

Amy bites her lip, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Of course, she can't tell me. I may not be in the lightless world of my mind anymore, but everyone's still determined to keep me in the dark.

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**Thanks so much to Oryt and mozzi-girl for reviewing! Please review? :)**


	3. Chapter 3

The question hangs, suspended for a moment. Kai's eyes are wide, and I watch as he taps Amy's arm and jerks his head to the door.

"Why don't we go elsewhere?" Amy suggests. The icy chill that had filled the room seemed to evaporate. I was leaving! Even if it was for a little while, I just wanted to breath in the outside air again. I don't consult Alessa as I leave, and she didn't stop me as I walked out. We entered into the hospitals hallway, walking downstairs to a sun-room type place where we all sit down. I'm surprised that Kai hadn't made some stupid comment already, it was actually a bit daunting.

"Surprised?".

I looked over to Amy, who's giving me a slight smile. "About what?".

I see Kai shoot her a glance, the kind he gives to people who insult a video game or likewise with him around.

"Aren't you surprised that he's so quiet?".

I felt a sudden flutter of hope. I was worried for a moment there about Kai's silence. I was almost as if he were a canary in a mine, and his silence meant danger. But from Amy's slight smile I can tell his silence is benign. I felt a gentle smile tug at my lips, the first genuine one I've had since waking. "I am, can I ask why?".

"Damaged vocal chords" she said "he can't talk until next week, or the damage could become perminate. Something was messed up when he was attacked".

Attacked? I smile, saying "So it's a blessing then" to pretend like I know what she's taking about. She smiles, and I manage a laugh. I'll find out what really happened later, but for now I want to enjoy my newfound freedom. I sit back on the wicker chair I'm sitting on. Through one if the many windows, I feel the sun on my face for the first time in weeks.

_"Where the hell are they?"._

_"I don't know!"._

I cannot see. I cannot feel. But I can hear.

_"Hurry, Natara!"_.

"Natara?".

My eyes snap open, and I see Amy and Kai staring at me strangely. I know what must have happened, and I try and play it off like I was just enjoying the sunshine. But I know Amy was saying something to me, and must be concerned over the fact that I didn't respond. I stare her down for a moment, watching how her eyebrows are raised and her eyes are large. I wish I could imitate her, make the same face back. Even without this expression I win, and she leans back in her chair and says "Like I was saying, they said you can leave tomorrow if you feel up to it. I can take you home—".

"Yes" I say before she can finish her question. I need to escape this prison, and once I'm outside I can piece together what I missed. I can piece myself back together again. Amy smiles slightly at my eagerness, and I imitate her. 'Time heals' I remember Alessa saying once. I didn't tell her that time is practically irrelevant here, how days merge into each other. How time can't heal if life is at a stand-still. After a while it's time for Amy and Kai to leave, time for me to return to my keeper. I'm surprised when before she leaves, Amy hugs me. I was expecting a quick hug, but she waits to let go until she whispers her message in my ear.

"He's alive".

She doesn't have to specify who 'he' is. The knowledge fills me up like a warm drink, and I walk back to my room with new eyes. Tomorrow, tomorrow I will be free. Tomorrow I will find him.

_Hurry Natara!_


	4. Chapter 4

**Review replies:**

**Oryt: thanks! Excited much? And yes, Kai-ness opportunities, it's coming…:)**

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It's the next morning when I wait for Amy to pick me up when I begin to think about what Amy said.

'_He's alive_'

Was she implying that he was like me, near death? Is he worse off than me, still trapped in that dark world? Where is he now? I can start to feel myself slip away, my mind wanting to show me a memory that will most likely be useless. I dig my nails into my reconstructed palms, willing myself to focus on the reality of the pain rather than the patchy memory that wants to take me away. I need to learn to focus, I need to discipline myself. I look up when I hear the front door open, expecting Amy. But it's not her, and I do a double take to make sure my eyes aren't deceiving me. I squint to confirm the identity of the figure, still unbelieving of who it is. He crosses the room to me, and I get up and imitate him.

"Well, look who's awake" Mal says with a smile. He's only a few feet away from me, standing in plain sight. I don't smile, I only stare at him. The only injury I can see is an old cut just below his eye, but other than that he's perfectly fine. Part of me is glad, but there's something that nags me. If he was fine all this time, why didn't he let me know? Why was I kept in the dark? I wanted to ask him where he was all this time, why he left me alone while I was lost in the darkness. I wanted to know where his voice had gone, why he had left me alone.

But I don't ask him any of this, I once again plaster on a fake smile and say "It's good to see you're still alive".

There, it's not a lie, I am glad. No matter how badly betrayed I feel I couldn't go accusing him now. There's plenty of time for questions, but for now I need a ride home.

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Mal drives, and despite the cold sting of morning air on my sensitive skin I keep the window open. The fresh air does what no hospital could do, clearing my mind and making the world come back to me. Mal doesn't say anything, and I'm glad for the silence. I haven't had peace like this in weeks, and I'm not eager to lose it. I close my eyes, focusing on the feel of the wind and sun on my face. It's something I haven't felt for a long time, and the warmth of the sunroom was only a taste of what this is. I can slowly feel myself drift off, dreamlike, and I allow myself to do so.

_I've never felt so alive. I was never so aware of how my heart beat, of the feeling of air entering my lungs. I'd never felt such an intense pain grab every inch of my skin. I can feel someone trying to grab at me, trying to save me, but I know it's no use. I am going to die. I am about to lose these feelings. _

I open my eyes again, smiling slightly. Maybe Alessa was wrong. Maybe these memory lapses are a good thing, maybe they'll help me understand what happened that day.


	5. Chapter 5

**What's this? An actual update! Yeah, sorry I haven't been updating this. My writing process has been all screwed up. Normally I plan the beginning and the end, and write my little heart out as spontaneous ideas come for the middle. But for some reason I planned the begining and middle, and didn't plan the very end. So I know what's going to happen for the next few chapters…but I have no idea where the rest of this is going. So this might only get updated every few days. Anyways, review replies:**

**mozzi-girl: thanks!**

**Oryt: Thanks! It seems my stories cause a lot of spasms in you…:)**

**maltararox21: Thanks so much!**

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It only takes a few minutes to reach my hotel building, and when he pulls up there's a awkward pause. I was expecting him to get out also, but when I reach for the door handle he doesn't even move.

"Aren't you coming?" I asked. I want—no, need him to come with me. I need answers, and even though I still feel a bit betrayed from his disappearance, I still trust him. I'm not sure if it's the fact that it's because of our bond, or my stupidity, but I would still trust him with my life.

"I can't, I need to get back to the station".

"Why?" I say. Surely Captain Yeong would give him the day off if he asked for it, and I know there was once a time that he would take it to catch me up.

"I have…work to do" he said.

I sigh. Of course, everyone's been speaking so cryptically since I woke up, so why would Mal be immune to it? Still, I have a feeling this 'work' has something to do with the fire, with what happened to me. Which is all the more reason everyone's trying to keep me out of it.

"Is has to do with the fire, doesn't it?".

There's a long pause until I see Mal nod. "You can't come, Captains orders, not mine".

Well, it's a start. Maybe Mal doesn't agree with her, maybe he wants me to come. But that doesn't mean I can't ask questions. "Did you catch him?" I asked quietly. At this point it was pretty much obvious the fire wasn't an accident, Alessa must have edited those parts out in the news broadcasts. Amy had said Kai was attacked, and I would be surprised if those two events weren't related.

"We just got him into custody, we've been trying to get a confession for a few days, since any evidence we have against him isn't air-tight".

"Then take me with you" I say. There's no way I'm sitting around while Mal's out there, waiting for my skin to heal. If I don't have a hand in bringing this guy down, I'll be branded as the victim.

"Natara—"

"It's not a suggestion" I snap "I've interrogated murderers and arsonists alike, I think I can handle some wanna-be killer who couldn't even manage to kill me properly".

There's a tense moment, but then I see Mal's face split into a smile. Without another word he pulls out of the parking lot and into the street. "At least I know Natara wasn't lost in the fire".

I want to say that if I got lost anywhere, it was in that dark world from when I was asleep. That all this time, it wasn't myself that I was concerned about. That I thought he was dead, and he didn't even bother to give me any indication that he was not. But I hold my tongue, I don't say any of this. I smile back, another fake smile like the ones I gave to Alessa. It seems this newly created face likes to lie, but at the same time always wants to please.


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm really sorry, I don't really** **have time for review replies this time. I'll try for n****ext time!**

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"Absolutely not"

"—but—"

"—No, and that's my final answer".

This is what I hear as soon as Mal and I enter the station that same morning, the reaction starting as soon as Captain Yeong sees me. I don't belong here, and I know it. The dark world has already claimed me as its own, and I can't go back to the way it was. I can't go back to who I was before I was trapped inside myself.

"—She's a capable interrogator, memory or no memory! She can—"

Well, at least they had the decency to argue behind me rather right in front of me. I can still hear them, but their voices are quiet enough that I can almost block them out. I wish I would have stayed home now, I'm afraid I'll only make things worse. Or maybe even find out things I don't want to know. Maybe it was my own stupid fault for what happened to me, and if it is, I'll probably find out today. I just don't know if I'm ready to hear this yet, Alessa was wrong. Time doesn't heal, in fact, it only makes things worse. I spent all that time wishing I could return to the real world, but now I don't think I was ready for it. I was like a baby bird, I thought I was ready to leave the safety of the nest, but then I realize I'm not ready to fly yet. My wings are still broken.

I lean back against the wooden desk behind me, hoping Mal will be back soon. It's so crowded in here, it's clear they're still trying to get back everything they lost and placing everything in this new building. Well, at least I'm not the only one doing this. I realize this is the second new building the police department has needed in two years, and smile slightly as I think how Seth must have reacted. And to think, I missed it because I slept through it all. Suddenly my eyes get very heavy, and I blink several times to try and shake this feeling. But it doesn't go away, and I can feel myself slipping…

_I'm walking down the stairs to the crime lab with Mal, and I can hear the arguing from here. The noise hits me full blast as I open the door, and I can hear Kai calling from the back near the morgue._

_"I told you, I smell something!" he tells "What if there's a gas leak?"._

_"It's nothing! Just let it go!". Amy yells back. She turns around and ushers us over, eager to show us something on her computer that I can't recall. Several minutes tick by, and it's only after ten minutes that I realize something's wrong. Kai hasn't come back from the morgue, in fact, he's stopped talking entirely._

_Our canary had just stopped singing_.


	7. Chapter 7

I blink away the memory quickly, cold air slapping my face as I return to reality . Mal's just coming over, but I don't want to here what Captain Yeongs opinion on me returning is. I know that I'm not ready, I don't think I'll ever be.

Before Mal can speak I quickly say "This was a mistake, I shouldn't have come".

"Natara—" he says gently, reaching out to put his hand on my shoulder so I don't leave.

"Listen" I say firmly "I don't even know what happened, or why. I don't belong here anymore, don't you see? I've changed".

"But—"

"I don't even know how any of this happened! But obviously I was stupid enough to get myself caught on fire, and I—".

"It wasn't your fault!" Mal says loudly, shaking me slightly.

I stop what I'm saying, glaring at him. Doesn't he understand what I'm going through? "Then who's fault is it, huh? Tell me why, Mal, tell me why I was charred, while everyone else escaped with little burns! Tell me why you escaped, while I—".

"You saved my life!" he suddeny shouts. The whole room falls silent, staring in the direction of Mal and I. I'm sick of it, sick of everybody watching me struggle.

"I should go" I say quickly, not looking Mal in the eye as I push past him and walk out the door. He doesn't chase after me, and I know it's because he can't. Captain Yeong wouldn't allow it. I stomp down the street, not even looking back. I just want to be done, I can't take it anymore! I walk until my my legs ache, finally coming to a small bench by a bus stop. I sit down, putting my elbows on my legs and my face in my hands. I don't fight the memeory that comes.

_"Kai?" Amy calls, worry evident in her voice. She turns to me "Did he go upstairs or something?". _

_"I can check" I say. Mal and I walk upstairs, but see no sign of Kai. That's when the fire alarms go off, and I look at the staircase behind me in shock. The walls seem to be made of little more of flame and smoke, and I freeze for a moment in utter horror._

_I try and go back, but the crowd of panicked people carry me out the door. I lose Mal in the crowd, and before I know it I'm outside. It takes me several minutes to break away and find Mal again, and I can already hear the sirens of emergency vehicles. _

_Mal's already looking for the bright red colour of the fire trucks. But they don't come. _

_"Where the hell are they?" he says. _

_"I don't know!" I shout back above the noise. _

_Before I realize what he's doing he's already half-way in the doorway, looking back at me as if expecting me to come. "Hurry, Natara!". _

_I know what I must do, I can't leave Amy and Kai for dead. I sprint in after Mal, immediately choking on the heavy smoke. _

"Natara?".

I look up, my eyes locking with Mal's. He's followed me here, obviously to make sure I'm okay.

_I cough slightly on the thick air, and I can't see anything. I feel my way down the the stairs, half-falling down the steps. I can see Amy, clearly succumbing to the smoke, trying to drag an unconscious Kai to safety. I make my way over, and as I approach I can see a large bruise forming on Kai's neck where someone struck him, obviously to hit a nerve. But it's starting to become too much for Amy, and the next thing I know Mal's making his was over to us. I see it happen in slow motion, the support beam that's about to fall on Mal. I drop Kai for a moment, and I sprint towards Mal with a strength I didn't have before. I shove him out of the way, but it's too late. Mal's free, but I'm trapped, stuck on my back and forced to stare at the cracking ceiling. I can feel that several of my bones are shattered, and flames quickly crawl up the beam towards me. I can feel Mal grabbing my arm, trying to save me, but the flames reach me first. I take one last breath of hot air, and everything goes suffocatingly dark. _

I can hear Mal's voice, but it feels like he's very far away. "Are you okay?".

"I'm fine".

It's raining now, a heavy chill over the air. It may be comfortable for other people, but for my newly reconstructed skin it's freezing. I'm aware that I'm shivering, and Mal comes closer and holds me close, clasping his hands over mine in an attempt to keep them warm.

"No, you're not okay" he says gently "but you will be, I promise".

It's the first time since I've woken up that someone's said this, and I believed them. Because right here, right now, I am okay. I almost died saving Mal, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. One could argue that I do this every day, but it's different. I risk my life for strangers, but when I saved Mal, I knew my actions would lead to my death. And I wouldn't do that for just anyone.

"I know" I say in a voice barely above a whisper "at least…now I do".

I realize everything I ever needed, everything that would make me okay, it's right here. I just didn't see it before, but now I know, it was just hidden in plain sight.


End file.
